00 - 3 mos

"I'm new to this baby stuff."

She didn't look as surprised to hear it as I was hoping she would. I'm standing in a store full of stuff for babies, all stuff new to me. Having been a baby once, some 20+ years ago, things sure have changed. Regardless of the fact that I have zero memories before age 4 or 5, and I have no younger siblings, one younger cousin that I never saw beyond her age 7. Baby, infant, toddler anything brings my knowledge of the world to a screeching halt.

The thought occurred to me that my first nephew might be mildly confused why no one is paying as much attention to him as they will be spending all their time on his new born sister. Her arrival is just a day away, and I thought I could get him something, because well, he is still important. However logical, and even smart this idea may be, turns out, I'm not that clever. My husband quickly informed me that since my nephew is only 16 months old, he won't be that confused, and he definitely won't be losing much attention - he's still a toddler!

Okay, so I tried.

When my nephew was born, it was walking into the hospital the day of his birth that I realized, 'HOLY SHIT! I might have wanted to BRING something??'

Walking out of the hospital gift shop with flowers and a crisp greeting card full of love and well wishes, I felt like I had cheated. Why can't all these things just come with a manual? "What to bring when babies come." I need this book. I didn't even know how I was supposed to feel. Excited? Sure thing! Sick to my stomach, nervous, and confused? Well we can't control our emotions I always say. I just didn't realize how... grand it is to see your first nephew all bundled up with that little cap on his skull. I believe I was in a state of minor shock. Shock, that is, brought on by pure elation. He was one cute bundle of blankets with a head and stocking cap.

'Seriously, look how much he looks like a conglomeration of my big brother and his wife. Now how in the heck did that happen?' I told you, it's new to me.

Even the fact that he looked (GASP!) human was enough to confuse the bloody everything out of me. I just didn't have this experience, and I had been in the delivery room once! That's right, I had been in the room, watched the baby come out of my friend like some kind of miracle of blue, white, and blood. Even still I found myself fully unprepared for the love, joy, and excitement I had over this little person that is my nephew. Sometimes I still get a bit shocked by how well I recognize the boy. I mean, I have some facial memory issues. It doesn't surprise me when I don't recognize someone, but that nephew of mine.. I'll never forget his face, his waddle, his swaying to the music from his toys. To think I've only seen him on a handful of occasions! I am missing out on so much more, for sure.

The coming of his sister, my first niece, is truly a bitter sweet event for me. I know that though I'll get to see her beautiful baby face tomorrow when she's brought into this world, I also know that I probably won't get to see her or hold her again for many months. What a sadness no one prepared me for either.

"Well I have to get the onesie with the pretty pink hearts..."

It wasn't but a year ago that I even found out what a 'onesie' is! It's like you can live on this planet. You can grow in this world. You can experience being a baby. Yet, you'll never know just what family is about. You can't understand why the bonds are so important. No, I don't believe I appreciated family quite like I do now. Now, when I think of my husband and I moving away, even further than we already are... I don't know if I can bare it. I have never, ever valued family the way I do now. To think of leaving them all behind is a heart breaking thought to be sure. Yes it seems to me that family is much more important once you've matured some, and with that I must say:

This family stuff is new to me.